So in Vain
by Kusabi
Summary: Even years after it's all over, Ed thinks of someone... & finds that he has to move on. MOVIE SPOILERS. Rated M for slight language & mention of some adult matter. Hinted EdRoze & EdNoah.


_Author's Note: It's been a little while... more Fullmetal Alchemist fiction! Hoho. I really wanted to write some Ed/Roze (as they are my weird pairing that I like...), but it came out a little different than what I had in mind. Oh well I kinda like this one. Yay. Anywho... enjoy the story.  
Fullmetal Alchemist & all characters are copyright Hiromu Arakawa & Square-Enix. Title is taken from a song by CHEMISTRY.  
_

**

* * *

So in Vain**  
By Kusabi

Staring out the window, Edward let out a sigh. Here he was, once again, on a train to nowhere. Ever since he had come back to the other side of the Gate, which was now his "home", he had no place to go. It was just Alphonse: his brother; Noah: the gypsy girl he befriended awhile before the war between the parallel words; and himself. Throughout the past four years, they had simply traveled to wherever the wind took them. But with World War II going on, it was difficult to do anything. And even more, it was difficult to have Noah traveling with them.  
They had left Germany three years earlier. It was definitely unsafe for Noah, and the Elric brothers didn't want to see her hurt. Especially Edward.  
_You know…_ he thought to himself. _I never really thought about it before, but… Noah looks a lot like Roze._  
He turned his head to face the sleeping Noah, examining her facial features. There was no mistaking it: she reminded him of an older version of Roze. Despite the fact that it had been six years since he last saw her, Roze's face easily came to his mind.  
_But… why…? I've forgotten what a lot of people looked like, even if they were important. Like the Colonel's "girlfriend"… what was her name? I think it was Hawkeye…_  
A small sigh escaped his lips. Even though in the world he was born in, that world of alchemy, he had gone through a million different kinds of Hell and back, Edward had begun to forget about many things. The only reason he could come up with was that it "was just better that way".  
Facing out the window once again, he thought of the final test of his Hell. That which had separated him and Alphonse for two years. Though many of the details were fuzzy, he remembered dancing with Roze, though she had been brainwashed by Dante at that moment. He remembered helping her and her child out of the Forgotten City, before he sacrificed himself to bring his brother back to Amestris. The look of sadness on her face, as she realized that Ed might never come back again…  
Warm tears began to form in his eyes, as he began to grasp what exactly was going on.  
_Was I… was I in love with her?_  
As soon as the thought crossed his mind, he tried to shake it off. But it just wouldn't go. Thoughts of Roze took hold of his mind, and refused to let go.  
More tears ran down his face, and as he tried to wipe them away, Noah awoke.  
"Ed… what's wrong?" She asked, quietly.  
"It's nothing." He replied curtly.  
Reaching over, Noah touched Ed's arm. It only took her a few seconds to see into his mind.  
"You were thinking of home… and some girl."  
Ed nodded. Again, it was proven to him that it was useless to hide anything from Noah, as she was able to see into anyone's mind with a single touch.  
"Her name was Roze. You remind me of her…"  
Looking to the side, Noah fell silent. _Am I just a haunting memory to him?_  
He let out a small laugh, wiping away a tear. "Al and I met her while we were traveling. A crazy 'miracle priest' had brainwashed her into believing her boyfriend would come back… but when we revealed what a lying asshole he was, ass we did was cause civil was in the East. When we came back…"  
As Ed choked up, Noah reached over and embraced him. Though this caused her to see what Ed was about to say, she kept quiet, as she thought it would be best to have him tell the story. After she felt that he had stopped crying heavily, she let go.  
"Scar had turned her into some goddamn 'Holy Mother'. I couldn't believe it, even if it was him… doing something so disgusting. Even worse… Roze had gone mute. All because of one soldier …  
"That bastard had _raped _her. She loved her child… even if the father had been nothing but a rapist. After awhile… I was in a battle with one of those Homunculus… oh, a Homunculus is a failed attempt at human creation… and her voice came back. All to save me. I couldn't believe it. I think that was when… I started… to fall in love with her.  
"I couldn't admit it, of course not. All I could care about was that damn Philosopher's Stone, and of course, I wanted to save my brother. While I was away, my brother had been kidnapped by the Homunculus. Roze's helper, Lyla, went with her to find a save place… and where should I find her, but with the Homunculus? Lyla was really Dante, the one who was just the puppet master of those damn Homunculus. She had been using them all along, just so she could get the Philosopher's Stone… all so she could fit her withered old soul into Roze's body.  
"Though I was able to drive off Dante… my brother had used the Philosopher's Stone to bring me back to life, as Envy had killed me… which brought me to my first encounter in this world. I ended up in a place called London, in the middle of a war. My first experience with this world. When I came back, Al was gone. Envy went to the other side of the Gate… and Dante vanished.  
"I then told Roze to get out… and save herself. I sacrificed myself, brought the Forgotten City down, and ended up on the other side of the Gate… once again. This time, I ended up in Germany with my father. I haven't seen her since."  
Noah simply nodded, taking in all of the information Ed had told her. "When you went back to the other side… you didn't go to see her?"  
"I had no time," he told her, quietly. "Eckhart had to be taken care of, since she was trying to destroy my world. I left immediately after I took her out."  
"Is that why you kept me along?" Noah asked.  
Ed stared at her, with a shocked look on his face. "What?"  
"Did you keep me with you because I reminded you of Roze?"  
"I didn't even think of it until a few minutes ago," Ed admitted.  
A small stream of tears fell from Noah's eyes. "I know that I can't replace her, Ed. But… I'd be willing to help you in any way I can. I'm sorry that I had brought up all these memories for you, I truly am."  
"Hey now…" Ed reached over and wiped a tear from her face. "It's not your fault. It's been six years since I last saw her. Not once in those six years had I even thought of it. I don't know why the memories chose to came back now, but please don't blame yourself."  
Noah smiled, nodding. As she stared into Ed's large, golden eyes, she felt as peace.  
_But I'll never replace her. I can never be her. I can love Ed… but if he loves her, it can't be helped._  
"I'll never get back to there," Ed commented, quietly. "So all I have is to move on. A memory from six years past can't stop me from living. I'm sure I can find someone new. Dragging the memory out would be completely in vain." He smiled warmly at Noah.  
Once again, she simply nodded.  
_When the day comes that you can move on, I'll be here, waiting for you._


End file.
